2:35 AM: website update and own thoughts
still alive still kicking. lately i've had a very energetic uptick i dont know what exactly but ive felt very creative i guess. i have been drawing, writing but i haven't gotten back to write a single song — anything really — since i finished the album.
i quite miss it every day i crave to pick up my instruments but i then remember another 200 things i would like to do like redesigning this website. lol i was looking thru this site and was like damn this sucks i should redo it and make it like more adjacent to the new style and aesthetic ig that i do now.
so i've been busy with that and i'll probably update the site later tonight. i finished most of the things i absolutely needed to finish. i know there is other stuff i can do but that will come in time. i just need to play something and get back to what i really want to do.
but i can't complain i've felt quite nice lately. i have been active, i have been creative, and i haven't felt too much misery lately. still... when i slow down and sometimes i look at myself and who i am right now, i hate it. i hate the person i am. i have so much hate and regret it buries me. i don't know if i'll ever be able to get over it but i just wanna feel like it's okay for me to be alive. i wanna feel like i'm not a horrible person who shouldn't be alive.
i hate it. i feel like i've always been doing something wrong and i can't act differently cause i will feel fake but is that worse than being eternally alone? i am doomed to be alone.
oh well... at least i have my new website ig.